The "Right Way" to Worship

     I haven't posted in over a year and honestly I've kind of missed it, but I feel that it was something that I just needed to let go of for a while as I got transitioned and adjusted to being at school in my freshman year. I am loving school and am so glad to be back on campus! I'm hoping to post more frequently now that I am accustomed to campus life and all that it holds. So if anyone at all has been out there waiting for a post.. I'm sorry here one finally is!
     So this message has been heavy on my heart for a good while now, like close to a year probably. I go to a conservative christian college, and in some ways it's very challenging. Don't get me wrong I think my school is the best one there is and I love it so much, but it doesn't come without a few disagreements in some rules and doctrines. In high school my family broke away from the traditional church setting and settled into a church that we love! It is a contemporary church, which isn't for everyone, but you know what? The people in that church feel so real, so genuine. The worship leaders, the small group leaders, the elders, and even our pastor are some of the most real people you will ever meet. They don't hide struggles or try to make it seem like they have their lives all together. They don't try and make it seem like they are holier than anyone else because they have been placed in a position of authority in our church. In fact they will tell you that they are simply tools that God is using to guide our church, and its not just words coming out of their mouths you can see that they mean it from the depths of their hearts. So therefore I love my church! The worship time is dark and loud allowing everyone to worship freely as they feel the Lord prompting. The messages from our pastor are ones that are challenging, but practical. He gets down deep, but also doesn't forget the basics, while keeping it in simple terms so that even middle schoolers in the audience can understand. He doesn't use words like "sanctified" and "washed in the blood of the lamb." He wants anyone who walks into our church to know what he's talking about. My church isn't for everyone, but for me personally that is the place that I have found that I have grown the most and felt the most connected to God. So as you can imagine when I came to school and was required to go to at least five very traditional chapel services a semester it was a cause for a bit of a culture shock after being out of a traditional church for so long.
     The thing that shocked me most is in the first sermon I heard, after we had been seated from singing a hymn, is that I heard the pastor say that contemporary worship wasn't really worship. I immediately disagreed and started to question the validity of his whole sermon. After that I started to see articles on Facebook about how so many church goers felt similarly to that pastor. They feel that contemporary worship songs lack the depth that hymns provided to worship, and that contemporary services were more about the show than the worship. I started to see the other sides points and really think about these things. I have been pondering, praying, reading, and listening to both sides for a year now, and have finally come to a conclusion of what I think about this whole thing.
     

John 4:23-24 "Yet a day is coming and has now come when true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth."

     It's plain and simple; Jesus told his followers to worship God in Spirit and in truth. It says that God is Spirit, therefore we are supposed to be worshiping in him. To further expand upon that, I consider worshiping in spirit to be that you are thanking and worshiping God from the depths of your heart. It is a time where you are crying out to God, or you are filled so full of joy that you can no longer stand still. The presence of God is there with you, and it is evident to you and the others around you. And to worship in truth means to be singing worship that is of truth. This can include scriptures, or songs inspired by scriptures that still speak truth about God and what He has done for us. So based on this passage I would have to say, depending on your personal preference of worship, as long as you are singing truth filled songs with a Spirit of worship both types of worship are pleasing to God!

    On the other hand, I have to mention a few things. Im tired of hearing so much negativity towards contemporary worship, because that happens to be the way that I feel I am truly worshiping God. The arguments against contemporary worship I have heard the most often are, (1) it is too repetitive and doesn't have enough depth, (2) they focus too much on the show and not enough on the worship itself, (3) we have to remember our church's history, and (4) I just don't feel like I am really worshiping when singing those songs.

1. It is too repetitive and simple. I am a ballet dancer of 13 years. In classical ballet pieces there are sequences of movements that are repeated three or four times before moving on to the next sequence. Why is this? Because for an average, untrained audience it takes several times of seeing movements to actually comprehend the complexity of the movements that the dancers are performing. It is the same I feel like with contemporary worship. It can take us saying something a few times before we really comprehend what we are saying and understand the depth within something that can sound so simple at first. Also I feel like as humans we for some reason try to complicate the idea of being a follower of Christ. Yes, God is a very complex being that we will never be able to fully understand, and there  should be worship songs to reflect that. But Him coming for us and us accepting that gift is not complicated. In fact, it's so simple it is hard for us to comprehend why. So sometimes we need to take a step back to simplicity to really understand what Jesus came and did for us.

2. There's too much focus on the show. In all honesty I feel that traditional worship pastors can be just as guilty of putting on a show as contemporary worship pastors can be. I'm sorry but nobody sings in the kind of voice that traditional worship pastors sing in. They don't just sing, they think that it has to have a certain loud billowy sound. They even add runs sometimes that aren't actually written in the song just to give it a little more oomph. They want it to be known that they are a churchy worship pastor. They also put so much pressure on their choir members to sound just the right way in their performances. Not that these thing are necessarily a bad thing, but you can't tell me that there isn't something of a show within that. And as many of those worship pastors there are there are also very kind, genuine, and worshipful worship pastors on both the contemporary and the traditional side. Look at the heart of the person leading worship not the lights or the slides, because in the end thats really what matters.

3. We have to remember our church's history. Yes this is valid, we should remember our church's history and hymns do a good job of that because many of them are almost direct quotes of scripture, but contemporary songs can also do the same. Hymns are also a reflection of our church 100 to 200 years ago. Awesome! But if we really wanted to remember our church's history we would still be singing hymns from 2,000 years ago in Hebrew or Greek. The muslims and the Jews still do this actually. But do you know what? Most of them, unless hebrew/greek or arabic is their first language, don't know what they are saying. They cannot be truly worshiping because they aren't doing it out of the stirrings of their heart, but out of tradition. They can't understand quite why they are worshiping, because they don't know what they are saying. I tend to feel the same way with many hymns. The language in the songs have so many thee's and thou's that I don't even really know what I am saying. I can't understand what I am asking and lifting up to God, and so in a sense is that even really worship? Now I know that you can still have a spirit of worship of course, but that's only half of the worship experience. There are certain hymns that are very near and dear to my heart, but those don't typically have Old King James lyrics.

4. I don't feel like I am really worshiping. This is where I will say that is okay! If you don't feel the stirring of the spirit in your heart with contemporary worship, but you do with hymns then that is perfectly fine. God tells us to worship by making a joyful noise, and worshiping in spirit and truth. I personally feel that both contemporary and traditional worship fulfill those standards and God find's them both pleasing in His sight.

If you have made it this far into this post congratulations and I thank you for sticking it out! There are obviously arguments to both sides, but something we must remember is we are all followers of Christ and he cares deeply for all his children. We should not be dividing the church over silly things like worship styles and carpet choices, but instead lifting up and encouraging one another to continue strongly and boldly in our faith. This world already has enough division. Go and spread salt to the earth my friends!

All my love,

Kurstie

I Feel Led... To Tell part 2

     So sorry for this being a week later! Once I got home from camp we headed pretty much straight out to my grandparents for the Fourth of July where we had a wonderful time! It has always been a tradition to go out to Robber's Cave where my mom's parents live and watch the fireworks display that they put on there. Its very fun but you also see the epitome of the word "redneck" left and right. Lest to say it makes for some interesting people watching... Well once we got home from there I was completely exhausted, and that is why I am writing this post 5 days later than intended!

     Camp was fun and going back to Shepherds Fold Ranch made me wonder how I could have survived two whole years away from it! I am truly in love with the place and people there, and, Lord willing, I definitely plan on being on staff next summer. I just don't think I can bear being away again!

Now onto what this post's main topic: the second half of my testimony.

(Now I did talk some about this in my first post so bear with me some of the repetitiveness)

     Once I was rededicated and baptized I never had any doubts again. I remember being in seventh grade when my mom started reading a blog called Kisses from Katie. This girl was amazing! Katie Davis was only nineteen, living in Uganda, teaching kindergarteners in a local Christian school there, and helping to care for orphans in an orphanage there. I knew that this girl knew what all this was about. She knew what was up when it came to christianity and didn't want any of the fake stuff. She wanted real, raw, unwavering faith. A faith that you have to rely on God for literally everything. That is when I first felt my calling to the mission field. I knew that I wanted to go to Africa. I told my mom this and she pretty much called me crazy to my face (God worked in her heart too and now is very much so on board and would love to come with me to Africa sometime too), but I didn't care because I knew at age 13 that was exactly the kind of thing I wanted to do. I wanted to help those who had nothing. I wanted to give even just a few dozen out of millions of orphans in the world hope. I wanted to show them love when they knew none. I wanted to give them someone that they could count on and trust when they feel the whole world is against them. I wanted to show them that I love them because Jesus first loved us. How are we supposed to tell the lost and impoverished about Jesus and His love for them when they have no idea what love is in the first place? That's what Katie was and still is doing to this day, and it is still a flame in my heart as well.

     Though still to this day I have never been on a mission trip neither foreign or domestic. I have done local works of service which of course is still doing work for God and nothing to be ashamed of, but not once have I been on a real mission trip. I see all the time kids my age and younger going frequently on trips and I just can't help but wonder why I've never seemed to be able to go on one. I have tried several times and each time it seems to slip through the cracks.

     This is where my little human self starts to question and compare. I see people who want to be missionaries and others who have never considered it a day in their life and they go on all these amazing mission trips around the world with wonderful experiences and huge God moments, and I start to ask myself why can I never seem to go on a trip. Am I not trying hard enough? Am I not dedicated enough? Are they doing something right with God that I'm not? Can I even be a full time missionary without going on a mission trip in high school? All these thoughts of doubt and comparison try to flood me, but why should I be comparing my journey with other peoples'? I have to stop myself and remember that God has a plan for me and His timing is always perfect. If I don't go on a mission trip till I'm 30 doesn't mean that I can't be a full time foreign missionary. It may not come about typically, but I know God has not put this on my heart so strongly for no reason. He will make it happen someday. Whether in college or up into my middle ages He will provide me with the perfect time to go and I will see it fall into place as it always does. I just simply have to remind myself of this. 

     God is never wrong and His plans are never flawed. He loves my eager heart and will guide me on the right path so long as I am eager. If you are having a similar situation don't lose hope! Don't start to doubt that you are cut out for the foreign mission field or that it's your calling! God knows exactly where He wants you and the perfect timing for you to be there! In the mean time be a light and a missionary for Jesus right where you are. Don't think that you have to travel to Uganda to be in the mission field because God has called us to spread the gospel to Jerusalem (your town), Judea (your state), Samaria (your country), and to the ends of the earth. Simply trust God and you will go far!

Much love,

Kurstie

I Feel Led... To Tell

     As I  sit here writing this post I look upon my large pink duffle bag full and ready to go to my second camp of the summer. I am very excited to be going to Shepherds Fold Ranch once again! I went four years in a row and it was some of the best experiences I have ever had with God! Their motto is "A Place Called Home" and it has certainly been that for me. The councilor staff there is all made up of college kids who just love kids, camp, and God. They are always so wonderful and come back pretty much all the years that they are in college. So I would come back every year so excited to see Anna, Hope, Beth, Grant, Cody, Lindy and so many more who had touched and impacted my life through just simply loving on me a week at camp. I haven't gone the past couple of years because of finances and other commitments and my heart has hurt with yearning to go back! When I found out that my youth group was going this year I was ECSTATIC to say the least! I talked to the new youth pastor and since I have graduated he asked if I would come on as a councilor. I immediately said yes and have been dreaming of Big Trains, dinning hall meetings, muck wars, WACKO songs, and jumping of The Tower ever since...

     Despite my dreaming I have come to realize that I am now standing in the place where my beloved councilors were just a few years ago. I am to be the one who loves and encourages these kids to not only have fun and meet new friends, but to encourage them have a relationship with God that causes them to be so on fire for Him that they can't help but share what He has done. These college students seemed so mature, so sure, and so grown up. They were people who knew what God was about and knew how to help us know too. I know that I can be that for these kids in my youth group too. Its just it just now hit me that this is now why I am going to camp. I am no longer a camper going to learn and experience. I am now a councilor going to teach and share my experience. It is going to be a transition that will be a bit strange at first, but I think might grow to love even more than simply being a camper.

     Now with that being said, I think a good step toward sharing what I know with these kids will be to practice, by sharing with you, lovely readers, my testimony. I will warn you it is nothing flashy or terribly sad. For that I really am thankful! God chose this to be my story and it is my responsibility to share it.

     I have always grown up in church with parents who are still madly in love to this day. They taught me all about Jesus and what he had done for me. Even at a young age I felt my heart being tender towards Him and wanting to do what He said. I realized one year when I had just turned seven that several of my friends had decided to accept Jesus into their hearts'. I had known what it meant to do that and had contemplated it before, but it started to seem very real to me that summer. At Vacation Bible School (VBS) that year they sent around little cards asking if we wanted to make any decisions based on what we had learned and heard that week. I checked that I wanted to become a Christian. I knew that I wanted to go to heaven and do what God told me to do in my life. I wanted to know that I would see my Great Grandpa "Grampy" and other loved ones in heaven. I wanted God to know that I loved Him. So, on a stormy night when the power had went out, it was just me and my parents awake sitting on the couch. There were lots of candles lit so that we could see each others and so we didn't stub our toes on the way to the bathroom could see the bible story we were reading. I don't remember the story but I do remember my parents coming up to me and asking if I really did want to accept Jesus into my heart and be saved. I said yes. They lead me through the Romans Road (Rm. 3:23, Rm. 3:10-18, Rm. 6:23, Rm. 5:8, Rm. 10:9 & 13, Rm. 5:1, Rm. 8:1, Rm 8:38-39) and lead me through what to say to ask Jesus to be saved. That prayer didn't save me, Jesus did. You simply  just have to pray what it says in the Romans Road. That you know you are a sinner and that sin leads to a death eternally away from God. But, that you also know that Jesus is Gods gift to Earth and that came to died for you on a cross and took away all your sin. I prayed that and I believed it. I felt a rush of light come through me once I was done. I felt like a new person and like sunshine just had to be bursting out of me! I was so excited to tell my friends my decision. Everyone was so happy and excited for me! I announced it to the whole church (a little hesitantly because that was a lot of people and I still to this day don't like being the center of attention!) and shook it felt like a million hands.

     Though I knew I had truly accepted Jesus into my heart for some reason I didn't want to get baptized. Well, I knew the reason. It was because I was embarrassed to get in front of all those people in a robe and get dunked under water by a pastor. I didn't want all the attention. I didn't want to be made a big deal of. I hated that. It was bad enough when I announced that I had been saved! I didn't want to go through all that again while being wet; how embarrassing! Of course now I chuckle at my seven year old self for not understanding the real thing that I was saying when I got baptized. I was simply so focused on the embarrassment and the uncomfortableness of it all that I didn't care what it really meant. Oh young Kurstie you will soon find out there are many more embarrassing and uncomfortable things that you do for God... But I am getting ahead of myself!

    I went several years and a move to a new town without getting baptized. My parents had concluded that I would decide to do it when I was ready. When I moved in the fifth grade to the small town that I live in now I began feeling doubts about my salvation. It confused me because I had just been so sure when I was younger that it had been real. Why do I feel so doubtful now? There were a couple times through out the next couple of years that I would feel God reassure me that I was saved and that decision I had made was indeed real. I also knew that I just hadn't been living for God how I was supposed to. I was always picking fights with my sister, and not keeping promises. As I got older I just wasn't being open about my faith. I knew this but I was afraid of the embarrassment of going up and saying that I wasn't living right... I didn't want the attention and the potential judgmental looks from the people in my church. Satan really had a hold of my heart for a while in that aspect. But one night I could not sleep. My mind was racing and I couldn't make out any one thought. I just knew there was no way I was going to sleep. I started to pray asking God to calm my mind and let me sleep, but I knew He was trying to tell me that I needed to make things right with Him. It took a while but I finally gave in. I rededicated my life to God that night when I was twelve and immediately felt peace in my mind and heart. That Sunday when my little sister announced that she was going to get baptized I did as well. Thats when an all new calling came for me...

To be continued upon returning to camp!

Much Love,

Kurstie 

I Feel Led... To Share an Obsession

     I am off to college in 53 days! Okay I know that is still almost two months away, but I am so excited! My newest obsession lately has been to sit in my room and go through the list I have of all the things I need to pack and then make more detailed lists about what I still need to get. A list for what I need to get when we go school supply shopping, a list for things I can wait to get till the week before, a list of clothing items entitled "Clothes expressing 'real me' and 'college me' not the 'old high school me'", and even a list of my favorite snack foods that I should buy lest I forget what they are once I go to the grocery store. What I have found out from making all these lists... I am crazy person who really needs to take a chill pill. I really am pretty ridiculous when it comes to new and exciting experiences. I obsess over every little detail, and lay awake at night playing different scenarios over and over in my head. I make list upon piles of color coded lists of any little thing I need, exactly what kind of it I can get, and exactly when I should buy it. I even just simply look at my new schedule and imagine what the professor will be like, and what kind of homework will they give? Today that is literally all I've done. Sit in my room and work out every little detail of how this whole college move-in experience is going to work. To put it simply:

 I. Just. Obsess. 

People like me are the reason my school doesn't let you know your rooming assignment before the end of July... I would drive her insane with questions and obsessive comments about decor and plastic organizers!

      The thing is, I really can't help it. It has to be an "oldest of four kids" thing. I have always liked having control and knowing what will happen next. When I have little control of a new situation and little way of knowing what to expect next, it's like my brain kicks into over drive to try and grasp something in the situation that I can take charge of. In this case it is what I can bring and making sure everything is exactly as it should be for my new tiny closet sized home away from home (I'm not kidding the dorm room is only 8x10 and I have a room mate... please pray for me!). 

     This all has made me realize that my list making mojo is not necessarily a bad thing. Really it just shows that I want to be prepared and in the long run will probably save money. What isn't good is the way that I can't get out of the zone. I can't stop thinking about these things, and I let anxiety slowly slip in without even realizing it. As much as I am so INSANELY EXCITED I can feel an underlying nervousness and need for control that should not be there. I should be resting in God and in knowing that He will take care of everything and that there is no need to try and flail for some tangible thing to control. That is by far my biggest struggle with my relationship with God. Control.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord... Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:1&3

Solomon then goes on to say:

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9

     (That last verse was actually my senior quote.) Theses verses show that we were never supposed to be in control. We as humans like to try and plan every step that is going to take place, but the Bible says that we are supposed to give that to God. We are simply to commit to what God has planned, to desire what he desires for us, and He will guide us where we are supposed to go in life. I know this to be true, because logically I was not supposed to be accepted into the college I am attending in the fall. The school is small, only accepting about 400 new students each year, and only 40 of those students are ones that show no financial need based on the results of their FAFSA. With me falling into that category and there being over 4,000 applications submitted to the school each year I knew that there was basically a 1% chance of me getting in. The reason it is such a strict number is because this school does not have any students pay any tuition. Through their on campus work study program, which all students are required to participate in, along with government grants and donations from generous donors, there is zero cost of tuition for the students. Therefore with limited funds come limited spots for admission; especially for those who don't show an overwhelming need for help to pay for an education. 

     The school is absolutely amazing with such strong Christian values and a pretty much guarantee of a job directly after college I knew that I had to at least try and get accepted! It was a rigorous process starting in August with sending in transcripts, reference letters, and getting my ACT score up enough to be put in the "priority look" list. Anything to give me a better chance at getting in. In October I had to travel the four hours to do an interview. That day was so stressful and nerve racking... I felt like I said every generic answer in the book and that the examples I gave were silly and frivolous. After that it was simply a waiting game... They started the acceptances on February 15. I made sure I had everything in, including my FAFSA, well before then. I had a count down on my phone for the day. I was having dreams about being accepted and dreams about not being accepted. For the first time in my life I was losing sleep from the nervousness and stress of not knowing. All I could do was lay in my bed and pray, telling God that I didn't know what I was going to do if I didn't get accepted. That I wanted it so badly. I had so many people praying that I would get accepted. How could He put this desire to go there so strongly in my heart if He didn't want me to go? There I go again. Even though I trusted Him to take care of me I still had my doubts that it could happen. I still wanted to have control and worry in my life. February 15 came and went with still no word on my admissions status. They promised me that I would know by March 15, but I couldn't handle the stress of waiting that long! I was on the verge of a panic attack every time I opened the mail box in fear of what I would find or in lack there of. I had gone every day checking my little account on the student website and the mail box vigilantly as soon as the mail arrived. There were a couple days though that I just didn't log in. I was busy with after school activities and calculous homework that I just didn't think to check it for once. Finally on March 12 I just kind of had a break down after I got the mail and yet again there was no letter... My mom said that I should check my account one more time just to be sure. I didn't see the point. I checked just two days before and there was nothing. But when I logged in I saw a little tab that was not there before. My finger shook as I clicked on it, my heart beating out of my chest. That tab said ACCEPTED. 

     Silly me... Why had I ever doubted God? He sent this school my way and I should have known that He would provide. I knew that He would is the thing, but I still had my doubts. How arrogant of me to think even for just a second that my abilities would be the thing to get me into the school? I told myself over and over again that if God wanted me there then I would get in no matter how silly my story about overcoming an obstacle had sounded in my interview. God would take care of me. And if I wasn't going to my dream school then He would send me somewhere else. Some how though Satan gets ahold of all our hearts when we are in those kinds of situations and tries to tell us we aren't good enough. We need to do more. Its all about us and what we can do; not about God and what He can do.

     Obsession. Obsession over lists, obsession over books, obsession over control; these are the things that make me who I am. Sometimes it is a good thing because it helps me to stay focused and accomplish a task. It helps me to show my passion to others and show how they can help too. It can show the amazing things that God is doing in my life, just as long as I don't allow obsession to get in the way of God's plans. As long as I don't allow it to turn into a controlling mechanism.

Thank you God for my quirky obsessions! I know that they are what make me, me. I also know that my obsession with Katie Davis's blog Kisses from Katie in seventh grade is what led me to be drawn to the mission field. You put these obsessions in my life, and through those I will continue to use them to do your work.

I hope that you guys' obsessions, along with love and enthusiasm, lead you to do great works for God as well! I would love to hear about them and anything else you feel lead to share with me. I'm just so excited you're reading my blog, so thank you!

Much love,

Kurstie

Why I Feel Led and What I Feel Led to Do.

     Hello internet friends whom a lot of you I have never met before! I really would like to get to know all of you because I have always liked it when a blogger reaches out to their readers on a personal level. But I suppose to do that you have to know more about me and why I am here. My name is Kurstie, like Kirstie Alley but with a "u." I have just graduated high school and am soon off to my freshman year of college in August! I love school, theatre, reading, writing, friends and family, and most importantly God. I have always grown up in a loving christian home that would probably be considered perfect by many. Me and my life, however, are not perfect. I have faults, my family has fights, and there are days where I simply feel like being defiant to my parents and to God. I suppose that is kind of how I got here.
     I have just gotten back from Falls Creek. For those who don't know Falls Creek is the main baptist youth camp for Oklahoma, and most of Texas and Arkansas, along with parts of Missouri and Kansas. It is also the largest youth gathering in the world with around 5,000 students being present every week during the summer! It is truly an amazing camp that has changed the lives of many including myself. This was my last year going to Falls Creek as a camper and it was not a disappointment by any means. God spoke to me a lot while there and one of the things I knew He was calling me to do was to start this blog.
     I have felt led to start a blog for a while now, because there are so many things that I feel laid on my heart that I want to share, but not on social media. I'm probably one of only a few teenagers that doesn't enjoy social media for the drama and pointless tweets about how "summer has officially started because I got a snow cone!" No, I wanted something deeper and more intimate than social media, where people would only take it as me ranting and getting into arguments over something that I was truly sharing only out of love and what I felt God was leading me to share. That's when I knew a blog was the right thing that God was calling me to do. Well I felt that way eventually... At first I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to take the time, or I thought nobody would read it. Excuses really. However, I felt it very strongly confirmed while at Falls Creek after watching a video about how teenagers were changing lives through a blog that it was my turn to start one too. My only dilemma was I really had no idea what to call it. I was thinking about it for most of the week and realized that I just kept saying to myself that I just feel led to do this and I feel led to share, and that is when I knew that is what it should be called. So hear I am today hoping to share the love of God through these posts! I also am hoping to share my adventures as I plunge head first into college! (Seriously, I could not be more excited!) I hope you find encouragement and joy here along with truth and an awe for God. Everything I write, may it be from Him for Him.
     Thank you all who are supporting me through this as I move on to the next chapter of my life. I seriously couldn't do this or anything else without you! May this blog be as successful as God desires it to be. More to come soon!

Much love,
Kurstie